Really?

It would be difficult to believe for many of you just how screwed up my life is these days. By screwed up, I don't necessarily mean really bad, just so many weird frickin things that it's almost like a soap opera, only I'm living it.

- My best friend, who was getting a divorce, isn't now. Back with the guy who was fucking their marriage counselor, who continues to stalk them. Oh, and I'm involved in that mix...I won't go into it.

- Old relationship(s) - really fucked up. I can't elaborate too much more - it is what it is. Sometimes I want to just pull my hair out because of my, and their thoughts, on this shit. Convoluted, yes?

- Profession. Really fucked up. Have the vision...the ability, but nothing working these days. Should I fucking starve or continue to pursue?

There is a lot more shit, but suffice it to say, the Boys are playing and I must get back and watch. Just had this thought to post something...

I'm thinking a radical change is in order.

Eventually

Yeah, I'm fucked. I have so much shit, and my mind is sideways...and...and...

I'll deal. I'll get right. And I'm just tired of the circle jerk I'm in. But we all know it will eventually get better...eventually.

Can eventually show the fuck up?

A Few Changes

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Off to the Desert - Part Deux

Last time I went to the desert, it was in Arizona...now it's off to Vegas. I enjoy the town and the excitement, but this trip isn't for pleasure, but rather business. Not that I won't probably get a few games of poker in, tho. ;-)

It's been a tough week. My mother-in-law passed, and between family and arrangements and all that, it's been kinda a whirlwind. I was at her bedside when she expired...the first time I have been witness to someone passing. I'll admit it left me a tad shaken. Mostly because when I think of her, I can't help but see her in her last few hours, morphine coursing through her veins, and mouthing the words 'help me'...yes, quite sad. But it was her time, and she goes to a better place.

My son now has a mouth full of metal. Do you know how much frickin' braces cost? It's insane. He better have a Tom Cruise kinda perfect smile for that much dough. Just not Tom's goofiness, mkay?

And hey, how bout them Mavs taking game one last night in San Antonio? Not that we'll get very far this year, but we are peaking at the right time. I just use this sport, along with baseball, to pass the time until the real games arrive - the NFL, baby.

Speaking of the NFL, Madden retired. The guy did bring a lot of popularity to the game, and it's hard to argue that he was the most prolific announcer in history (sorry Cosell)...but the last few years I do think he wasn't keeping up with the speed of the game, as I could sit in my lounger and call the tight end picking off the corner on a crossing route so a first down could be made...Madden seemed to miss those things more often than not. Maybe I'm just too technical and enjoy those little nuances. At any rate, we're now stuck with Mr. Anti-Cowboy Cris Collinsworth. Ugh...at least we still have Aikman to call the games.

And for our funny for the day...

To Employees:

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%. Since we cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did.

I strolled through our parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem.

These folks wanted change; I'm giving it to them.

Sincerely,

The Boss

LMAO...the way it should be done! Yes, I'm digging the Tea Parties going on in the Nation!

Have a great week - and lets be good out there!

Almost There

Things are moving along nicely - should be early next week and my biz where I am only responsible for ME will be up and running...SWEET!

I got a new puppy...a schnauzer to be exact...so cute, and she just adores me. Little girl is sure full of vinegar, tho! With that in mind, a joke for dog lovers:

'1'
Blaming your farts on me.....
not funny... not funny at all !!!

'2'
Yelling at me for barking..
I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

'3'
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
'4'
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

'5'
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you're not home.

'6'
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

'7'
Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting
surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

'8'
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

'9'
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven't you noticed the fur?

'10'
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things....
We both know who's boss here!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you?

EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY.
A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!


I have decided I am not going to cut my hair...and have grown a goatee...I mean, really, who the fuck do I have to impress? Life's gettin' good...

And just one more, courtesy of a friend TB:
A man is laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seems to love to do.

Enjoying it, he turns and asks her,

'Why do you love doing that?'

She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.

Have a happy Good Friday!

Happy New Day

The first day that I don't have to go into the office has come...oh what a nice feeling! But I have so many things I need to get taken care of in the next week, so it's not like I will be just lazying around!

My timeframe is right on target thus far...

And lemme just say - I absolutely adore my close friends! Always there, always supportive...they're few and far between, but those that I am close with can always count on me to be there for them, too.

And now for the funny of the day...and how appropriate, given the fact the stock market and some drug stocks are in the news...

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ' cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Luck O' The Irish

Happy St. Paddy's Day! Time to go drink some green beer...but now that Bennigan's is closed, where to go do just that?

Saw the movie 'The Watchmen' this past weekend. Do NOT waste your money on it...just an awful flick. Bad storyline, discombobulated, poor acting...you name it. There is 3 hours of my life I will never get back.

And it's spring break...don't you wish in our adult lives we just had spring break? Take a week off, be lazy, goof off...oh wait, I all ready do that! ;-)

Appropriate given the Obama administration's policies, today's funny...

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed
by 15 kids.

'WOW!' the social worker exclaims. 'Are
they all yours?''

'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma
sighs, having heard that question a thousand times
before.

She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children
rush to find seats.
> >
> > 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you
> must be here to sign up. I'll need all your
> children's names.'
> >
> > 'Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named
> 'Leroy and the girls are all named
> 'Leighroy'.'
> >
> > In disbelief, the case worker asked, "Are you
> serious?They're ALL named Leroy?"
> >
> > Their momma replied, "Well, yes -- it makes it
> easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready
> for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' And when it's
> > time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an'
> they all comes a runnin'. An'if I need to stop the
> kid who's running into the street, I just yell
> Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea
> I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
> >
> >
> >
> > The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then
> > wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But
> what if you just want ONE kid to come, and
> > not the whole bunch?"
> >
> > "Then I call them by their last names.."

Mr and Mrs Client

From the Urban Dictionary:

"Bent Edge = Stoner ass fuck, fucks everything but rocks, drinks as long as it contains alcohol."

Hmm...I resemble that definition.

Don't look now, but no sooner than I post my previous rant about the stock market being crap and things lit up. Always zigging when I'm zaggin'...what's a guy to do? Just go with the flow, I guess, because given how every rally seems to eventually fail, one can't completely hop on the bandwagon. Looking out over the next several years, tho, I can see materially higher prices...

Speaking of that, and again pointing to a post I had made a little while back, my timeframe for moving along is quickly approaching. The thing I am most looking forward to? Not having to talk with people and convince them to do the right thing because they're terrified. I can't blame them for being scared given the state of the economy and markets, but logic and reason fails to get through to some of these dolts.

Example of a conversation:

"Mr. Smith, I know things look bad out there and the market has been tanking, but do you need this money next year?"

"No."

"Ok, this is for your retirement in 20 years or so, right?"

"Yep."

"All right then, lets use an analogy. Do you think your home will be valued at substantially more than it is right now?"

"Yeah, I would hope so. Probably."

"Ok, so if someone thinks your home is worth less right now, and it were 30% underwater on the price, would you sell it because of that?"

"Of course not."

"Ok, then why are you wanting to sell now?"

"Because it could go even lower. When things get better and they start going back up, I will get in and buy then."

"Well, things could go lower in the near future; on that I agree with you. But to use another analogy, would you go to Best Buy looking for a big screen TV and say, 'I want to buy that, but it is only $1500...I'll wait until it goes back up to $2000 and then buy it'...So you want to pay retail instead of getting it while it is on sale?"

"Well...no...but I'm just going to sell what I have and wait for things to turn around."

{Exasperated} "Ok, well, we'll just keep an eye on things and see how it goes."

Welcome to my world where fear is a more powerful emotion than greed, and those same folks will want to get in after the market has run up 40% from current levels. History is on my side, here...I could go into many stats about what the market does the following periods after periods like we have just gone through. But again, logic and reason won't overcome emotion.

It's gonna be a good day when I no longer have to depend on those investors to be able to buy a hotdog at the local 7-11...

And did you see where HBO is apologizing for showing the sacred marriage ritual in the temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? Apparently it caused an uproar, but quite frankly, I don't get it. What's the big deal? It's not like you can't find that information anyway, and if it is so out of the norm, and you're scared of what people would think of it, wouldn't you change some of the things about it? Whatever...

Ahh, lets see if I have a funny for the day in my bag...

A man is sitting beside his girlfriend on the couch watching television. Feeling the rise in his jeans, he taps his girlfriend on the shoulder. She turns to him as he raises his eyebrows and says, "Let me get some of that!"

She replies, "Well, no, I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning. I want to be fresh."

He turns away for a moment, then taps her on the shoulder again.

"Do you have dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

Musings

It finally happened. We rid ourselves of the cancer that was T.O. To say that Terrell Owens was a pain in the ass is a big understatement. After letting future prisoner #06785 (otherwise known as Adam Jones, aka Pacman) go, we were able to shed another piece of crap in T.O. and let Miles Austin step up and shine at the other wideout alongside Roy Williams. Oh, and the other Roy Williams is history, too. Great hitter, but his coverage skills were deplorable! Movin' on...

The show "The Apprentice" featuring everyone's favorite bigmouth without adding any value, one Donald Trump, is back on the air. We might call it "B-Listers bickermania", but nevertheless, it is entertaining to watch the has-beens go back and forth and badmouth each other. In the latest episode, Scott Hamill got the boot, though the one who really should have gotten it was Dennis Rodman. They were trying to come up with a comic book hero for an online shopping site, and Rodman's suggestion was a transvestite who could morph back and forth. Gee, that's surprising that assclown would come up with that! They seem to have it in for Clint Black, the country star. And while I'm not a huge fan of his, he has more brains than several of the bozos on the men's team combined. I'm predicting they will find a way to cut him loose next.

The stock market just keeps on sliding. When some pundits were proposing that the S&P 500 could fall to 500, I laughed and call it moronic. I said there is no way we would even fall to 600. But here we sit with that index at 675 or so, and the Dow hovering around 6500. Folks, that is simply amazing. To put it in perspective, during the great crash of 1929, the Dow fell some 56% in 16 months (before eventually falling 89.5% when that bear market finally ended.) We are 16 months into this slide, and we're sitting around a 54% decline using that same index. Incredible. For those with an investment horizon longer than a year or two, one should be buying the shit outta this. But hey, I've thought that for 3 or 4 months now, so what do I know?

And for the funny of the day...

A man was sitting in his bedroom when his wife walked in wearing a skimpy nighty.

She told him, "Tie me up and you can do anything you want!"

So he tied her up, screwed her sister, and went fishing.

Inappropriate Humor

A husband and wife are headed off to bed. Hubby has visions of getting some, but wifey has no plans of going there.

"Not tonight, honey, I have a headache," she says.

Hubby replies, "No problem, dear. I just put some aspirin on my dick. Would you like to take it orally, or as a suppository?"

Funkytown

Ok, so I know I am horrible about keeping up with this blog. Just put it in line with all the other things I seem to procrastinate on.

Lately I have been in a funk. Hell, for several months now it seems I have been in a funk. Can't concentrate on things, have little desire to do many of the things that have made me happy in the past, and can't seem to find the right 'flow' to go with the 'ebb.' It is what it is, but I am doing my best to break out of it...

A quick update on some things:

- My timeline is right on schedule for a major professional change. In short, something I have had in my mind to do for a long time seems to be right on the cusp of happening...consider this - doing what I love for a living and not having to answer to anyone...just me or failure...yeah, I'm there and ready to take the leap. What's more, others believe in me...

- I got on the scale a few weeks ago and was fucking appalled. 202.5 lbs and it wasn't muscle mass that was being built. Got on the scale last week after a (very) modest adjustment to my diet and exercise and went to 201. Still not good - a work in progress. I am comfortable knowing I can get right, tho. Some of the few folks who have read this blog for some time might remember there was a time when I got to 210 lbs. In 4 months I dropped to 173 and my strength increased in a big way. Yep, time to get back on that program...

- Just got my SUV back from the shop. Bad coil, new plugs and all that jazz and $450 lighter in the wallet. I needed that like I need to have my son tell me he is gay. Oh, don't worry about that tho...He and his myspace page tell me he is most definitely not...as a matter of fact, his growing into a teen is causing pops some major consternation, but that is another story...

- Thinking about all the things I was supposed to have done by this time in my life. Yeah, I know, we have all been there and done that, but for anyone who knows me, I'm sure even they're like, 'what the fuck is going on with that guy?' I'm guessing it won't take long to get on the path, because with ebb and flow, it's only a matter of time...but it's also a matter of getting with the program - and I've been sorely lacking in that department. No more.

- Didn't make it home friday nite. Of course the wife loves that, but someone tell me since when I really give a shit what she has to say or thinks? I was good, although it was idiotic for me to leave my debit card at the place on Greenville Ave and have to go pick it up, only to discover they charged me for drinks when my buddy had paid the tab at the end of the night. Speaking of which, he told me we went to Burger King at 2 in the morning on that inebriated evening...umm, why don't I recall any of that? All I saw was mustard stains on my pants the next morning...

- My current work sucks. Part of the funkiness is that I can't get motivated, and having some ass who thinks he is God's gift to financial advisors isn't gonna do it...matter of fact, I would venture to say that that dick is gonna get his when I am no longer part of the tribe...

So just taking a minute and reading all that comes across as sooo negative. I am not that kind of guy, but lately that is exactly part of the funkytown I've been a part of...but now is the time to get right, so that is what I will do, even as I can't stand where I sit right now...

All that being said, let me just wish everyone a Happy President's Day...no, not for our current regime, but for those who did a wonderful job in the Oval Office and made us a better nation...Reagan comes to mind. At any rate, it gave me the day off as markets were closed, and for that I can be grateful!

Nuthin' Much

Ok, I know I should post more, but really - I got nothin'.

Work sucks, my other computer went toast when my son got a nasty virus from clicking a link on youtube (or so he says), and I get very little sleep these days. Do you know how fucking annoying it is to wake up at 1:45am, then finally drift back to sleep at 3am or so, only to wake up again an hour later and not be able to get back to sleep? 3-4 hours a night are just not getting it - I find myself tired often, and this for a guy who does quite well on 6 hours a night and usually has plenty of energy.

Enough of the whining...

Looking forward to the Super Bowl on Sunday...sure hope the Cards pull it out...Warner and company there are a class act and I like the Cinderella teams.

Hope ya'lls 2009 is off to a good start...mine WILL get better, I have the faith ;-)

There we go

So how is everyone faring thus far in 2009?

So far for me, it is feeling like 2008 again, but only because the market stinks. The personal side is ok...

Business is down and I'm struggling...so tired of trying to get people to call me back to do the right thing. As a friend says, fine then, die broke.

Hopefully, I won't be in this position for too much longer...by the end of February is the target date, and changes will need to be made...

Out With the Old

It's the last day of what can only be described as a suck-ass year. I generally try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, and I know I sometimes fail to do that...but I can only look back at 2008 and reflect on so many things that went haywire, at least as they pertain to me. I get the feeling many are feeling the same way these days...

Am I optimistic for 2009? Yes...again, I try to keep a positive outlook. The key is, do I have a plan? Alas, I do...

If things work out as intended, I will be a healthier, happier, wealthier guy finding his way in '09. I'll be walking that narrow path of change, and all for the better. My career, my relationships, my thinking, will be dramatically different than it is now...

The plan? Well, I am not going to share that just yet, as I want to see some things come to fruition lest I jinx it early on...

Here's wishing everyone a Happy New Year and a great 2009! Enjoy yourselves, but lets be careful out there, mmkay?

Ten Things

Ok, so The Blazing One hit me up with the pass-along thing, and ONLY because it is Mistress Blaze will I play along (ya hear that, woman?!)...

I'm supposed to list 10 honest, and interesting things about myself and pass it along to 7 others. Hell, I don't know 7 others in the blogsphere any more, so I'll spare MOST of you some pain. Here's my 10:

1) I just finished jacking off. Nice...and at my old office, I wanked my wood on more than one occasion in the bathroom.

2) I'm a dipper. I love over easy eggs, and I dip my toast in them to soak up the yolk before devouring the rest of it. People who cut up over easy eggs have always made me wonder...

3) Many moons ago, I got out of the US Navy by throwing my chair at the XO. For those who have served in the military, you know that usually entails a court martial of sorts, or at the least, some restriction. I never received anything other than a trip to the 5th floor to be evaluated for 'mental anguish'. The truth is, I was a personnelman and knew every way to get out the Navy with an honorable discharge and that is the route I chose - 'incompatibility with military life' was the final diagnosis. The other way (back then) was to act gay and perform an act. I wasn't going there. One of the top 5 days of my life when I got out.

4) I have only had one 3-some. What's worse, it was with my best friend in high school and I double-teaming on a girl. Nooo...none of our parts touched! Truth is, we kinda took turns, and it wasn't full-tilt bozo action. I never actually did tap that girl...

5) I grew up on a farm in the midwest. And there were times when one was out in the field or away from the house that you had to do your business. On a few occasions, I wiped my ass with leaves, and I remember using a corn cob once. There is a reason Charmin holds a very special place in my heart.

6) I still have dreams of being a fry cook in high school. My wife has told me she has heard me say some shit in my sleep about it. It was kinda a Denny's type place, and I really did enjoy it. Hell, I remember working the graveyard and doing one of the hot, albeit completely goofy, waitresses as customers waited out front for their post-drunk breakfasts. Ahh, good times...

7) I have slept with one of my wife's current best friends...and no, she hasn't the slightest.

8) At my old firm where I served as a portfolio manager/analyst/trader, I lost $85k on my very first trade. My boss must have thought, who the hell is this clown I just hired? I can even remember that piece of shit stock, AVNX. Luckily, all my trades weren't that bad.

9) I briefly spoke with Jerry Jones of the Cowboys once when he was walking into Sevy's in Dallas. I told him thank you for picking up Anthony Henry as a free agent to be a cover corner for us. He said thanks and appreciated it, asked if me and my friends were having a good time, and moved along. I wish I could go back and tell him what a dumbass he was for picking up Henry and how much he sucks and should be let go.

10) The last one gets a 'double'...When I was in training classes in Arizona earlier this year, I was known somewhat as the life of the party. I was secretly proud when some of my compradres there referred to me as "The Michael Phelps of drinking." What's more, an attractive female with an obvious tilt towards the zany loved me for it, and I could have shagged it. Alas, I didn't - total fucking dumbass! But only because when we retired to the room with one of the instructors, he had the same thing on his mind, and I didn't want to be a total fucktard, so I just walked away and went to my room. No need to fuck up my lame career early on, right? I found out the next morning she didn't want to go there with him, but me... Ahh...blown chances...but I'll live to fight another day ;-)

And as for passing this along, I am only going to give it to one guy...one of the first guys I read on the blogs. A guy who has entertained all of us many times with his stories of the past...So c'mon Trashy, lets hear it...

If I have the opportunity to post on the last day of the year, I will do so. But in the event I don't have that chance, may the new year bring ya'll much happiness and all the things you desire. Lord knows 2008 sucked ass, and I'm soooo looking forward to 2009...I have a plan...

Sucks

What a fitting end to a fucked up 2008 season...and year.

The Cowboys are awful, and I can only feel like it is the ebb before the flow...

It will get better, I must have the belief...but for Lord's sake, get rid of Phillips now...

Fuck it...it is what it is...fuck it all.

Tick Tock

I cannot believe Christmas is only a week away. And exactly how much shopping have I got done? Zero, Zip, Nada, Zilch. Well, I did order one online item which should hopefully arrive by that time, but other than that, I still have some things to get.

My family finally got around to bugging me if I am going to make it down to Austin this year. I have no desire to, but my son does want to see his cousins, so we'll see what happens there. Listening to my mother be negative, and my brother brag is just not my idea of a good time. But I guess one does for his kids things he normally wouldn't do.

Rented 'Don't mess with the Zohan'. It's kinda like Family Guy in that it is so crude in places that you just have to laugh. I am not a big fan of Adam Sandler, but this did have some funny things in it. It's good for a renter, but not a buy.

And you see how exciting my life is right now, huh? How can one be so busy, yet not have much going on? Hmm...something to ponder.

Lost my playoff game in fantasy football...by two freakin' points! Ugh. Now I play for 3rd place, which means if I win I get my entry fee back. Lets hope my running backs actually do something for me this week.

Have a Q

So, the question is this -

What would you do with an attractive 5'9" blond, smart, with a great rack?

Just askin'.

Oh, and I won my first playoff game in fantasy football...on to round two, which looks tough. First game I took 120-103, but this week is going to be brutal looking at the opposing lineup.

More than that even, is I need my Cowpokes to beat the Gmen this week...we're still in the hunt!

Month 12 Arrives

I hope folks had a nice thanksgiving. Mine was ok, though I wasn't too pleased that all the other teams vying for the playoffs with my Cowboys managed to pull out their games yesterday. Everyone 'cept for the skins, anyway. We just need to beat Pitt this week.

December is here, which means Christmas is just around the corner. I have come to dislike this time of the season, as it means I will have to find a way to dole out gifts and cards to people. The only ones I really want to are my kids and close personal friends...the in-laws, family, and all others should just as soon forget who I am, cause I'm taking the hard line and not budging on sending stuff this yr...the kid doesn't have it.

The good thing is that this awful year is almost over. For that I can be grateful, even if 2009 doesn't prove to be much better. At least it holds hope, for 2008, it holds only broken pieces of ideas, dreams, and other things which I care not to comment on. To be fair, it does hold some good memories, but all in all, 2008 has sucked ass.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's my favorite holiday of the year again. A time to kick back from work and the everyday stresses of life, fill my belly full of wonderful food, and watch football. Ahh, how I look forward to it!

It's also the reason we should be thankful for the things we have and which bring us joy.

Life hasn't quite gone the way I planned in 2008, and Lord knows I've spent my fair share of time bitching, pissing and moaning about it. But looking on the other side of the ledger, I must be thankful for a fabulous son. A son that seems to draw closer to me each day. And a daughter I have reconnected with, while despite having shortcomings, is coming around. Thankful that I have material possessions, a roof over my head, and a way to make a living. Many cannot say that, and for that I am grateful.

So with that in mind - thanks for all that I have and will be given!

Now if my Cowboys will kick some Seahawk rear tomorrow, it will be yet one more thing I can be thankful for!